I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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