also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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