And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
