mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
