I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize