apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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