idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize