Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
