Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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