I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
