I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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