Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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