I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
