I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
