There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
