His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
