Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
