Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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