The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
