1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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