Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
