In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just pynch a tree in the face
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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