His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
