i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
