it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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