ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
