just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
