You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
