he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
