So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
birth control should be required to get into college
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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