I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
