the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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