Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
