I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
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