I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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