So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
