im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
