My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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