his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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