I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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