3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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