I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
