I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
sarcasm needs its own font
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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