I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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