it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
