Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
