How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize