if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
