I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
smell my finger.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize