just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
