Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
