Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
These tits shall not be calmed
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
