girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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