What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
