his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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