Don't make out with my wife yet
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
