This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
