Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
