Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
True strength comes from lack of pants
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
dude. I can hear the air.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
