sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
