3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize