epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
