Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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