I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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