Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
