I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
