Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
