"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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