apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up under a house in Key West
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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