You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
