OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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