i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
