Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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