why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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