I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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