; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My dick has a subreddit
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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