Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
