My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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