I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
send nudes
from the living room?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
