It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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