new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
