Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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