Michael Bay diarrhea
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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