your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
