party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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